


I'm So Sorry. (It's Okay.)

by Panicattheverywhere



Category: Be More Chill - Iconis/Tracz
Genre: Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Getting Together, Hurt/Comfort, Implied/Referenced Rape/Non-con, M/M, Underage Drinking
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-12-28
Updated: 2019-12-28
Packaged: 2021-02-26 01:54:34
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,317
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21995584
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Panicattheverywhere/pseuds/Panicattheverywhere
Summary: In which Jeremy apologizes, because he is a caring and sweet best friend who hurt his best friend.aka: i really wanted jeremy to apologize in the actual musical so i'm making it happen.
Relationships: Jeremy Heere/Michael Mell
Comments: 4
Kudos: 92





	I'm So Sorry. (It's Okay.)

_Michael slid down, against the door. His mind echoed the same word, over and over._

_Loser. Loser. LOSER._

_Everything seemed to roar around him, and his pulse was pounding in his ears. His breathing was ragged as he held himself tightly, trying not to openly sob._

_All he could see, or hear, or think of, was Jeremy. His face, filled with hatred, as it must have been, surely. His voice, full of disdain, hatred, anger._ _Jeremy wouldn't be coming back._

_Michael cried, alone in that bathroom. He sobbed, and shook, and wished he could turn back time. He wished he could go back, and tell Jeremy that he was amazing as he was, and that he shouldn't change at all. He wished he could beg him not to even contemplate the SQUIP, to just stay happy with his friend. But he couldn't. Jeremy was gone forever, and all Michael could do was watch_.

_____ 

Everything had worked out. Jeremy was back. He was mostly the same- occasionally something would make him react strangely, or he'd stutter and flinch, like he was preparing for something, but normally, he was same old Jeremy. 

Christine had turned Jeremy down, but he had seemed surprisingly okay with it. They had decided to just remain friends, and they were comfortable. 

Michael and Jeremy hung out quite frequently, whenever they could. Now is one of those times. 

Jeremy stares at the screen from his seat next to Michael on his bed, as the latter basks in his post-win glory. 

"I told ya, Player 2. I always win on Rainbow Road. Always." Michael smiles, seemingly not noticing the other's subdued mood.Jeremy nods, clearly not paying attention. Michael's cocky attitude recedes, and he looks concerned. "You good, bro? You seem… Out of it." 

Jeremy shakes his head, like he's dislodging water from his ear. "Oh yeah, I was just… Thinking, is all." 

"About what?" Michael raises an eyebrow. 

Jeremy takes in a deep breath and sighs, looking at his hands. "Look. I was… Horrible, when I had the SQUIP. Like, really horrible." 

Michael plasters on a smile quickly. "Yeah, duh." He laughs. 

Jeremy shakes his head. "No, I'm being serious here. What I did to you… It wasn't okay. I hurt you. I said horrible things, did horrible things, and you still came to the rescue." 

Michael shrugs. "I mean, what kind of best friend would I be if I didn't? Sure, some of the stuff that happened wasn't super fun, but I'm tough! I can handle it." He lies, echoes of _loser_ bouncing around inside his brain. He winces inadvertently. 

Jeremy frowns. "You… Didn't seem fine. You still don't, honestly. Sure, you smile, but that doesn't fool me. It doesn't seem real. You've gotten quieter, too, at school. Plus, you invite me over way less. Maybe that's because I make you uncomfortable, and if that's the truth, then I'm sorry, but you also seem to push everyone away." 

Michael sits, stunned. "I. Uh… Yeah." 

"Yeah?" Jeremy asks, unsure of what Michael's trying to say. 

"Yeah. You're kinda… Spot on. I mean, I was trying to not go crazy with it, because you have your own stuff going on. But… Yeah." 

Jeremy's brows crease. "Michael, I want you to be able to talk about things, even if they involve me, and even if they involve things that are difficult. You matter to me, and I want you to be comfortable telling me if you're hurting." 

Michael nods. "Yeah, it's just… It's hard, Jer. I mean, you've always been my best friend… My only friend," he corrects himself. "But suddenly, you were gone. I'd try to talk to you, and you'd be like everyone else, looking right through me." He takes an uneven breath, memories flooding back. "Then, at the party," His voice cracks, and he swallows harshly. Jeremy sucks in a breath. "That was, quite possibly, the worst night of my life. I don't want to guilt you, because it wasn't really your fault. But… It was bad, Jer. I just… I wanted to die. I didn't want to live without you, and I felt so insanely alone." 

A tear slips down Jeremy's face as he visibly struggles for words. "God, Michael, I'm- I don't know- I'm so fucking sorry. I was so focused on my own gain that I didn't pay attention to you, and you deserved so much better. What I said to you… I don't have an excuse. I was drunk, but I was also SQUIP-free. It wasn't the SQUIP that said that. Every time I remember that night, I wish I'd never gone at all. The whole night was horrible. From the SQUIP getting me drunk, to Chloe trying to rape me," Michael chokes, clearly about to speak, but Jeremy barges on, "to seeing you and saying those horrible things, to Christine rejecting me for the first time… It wasn't a good night for anyone. But, I just wish, in all of it, I could've been better to you. You're my best friend, and I let a silly crush get in the way of that. I'm so sorry, Michael." 

Tears run down both of their faces. Michael suddenly rushes forward and pulls Jeremy into a hug. "It'll be okay, Jer. I forgive you, really, I do. You're still my best friend, and I'm so fucking grateful for that. You're my everything, and I don't mean that just as a figure of speech." 

Jeremy sniffled, hugging the other boy tightly, as if he might disappear again. "You're my rock, Michael. If you weren't here… I don't know where I'd be. I mean, you're literally the only reason that the world isn't a mindless mass of SQUIPs right now." He laughs, a watery, soft sort of noise. "I can't imagine a world without you. Well, technically I can, because I lived in it, but… It was hardly a life worth living." 

They sit there, crying and holding each other, and neither knows how long it's been. They don't really care. 

Michael breaks the silence, pulling away so they can make eye contact. "Jeremy, I know this is probably bad timing, but if I don't say it now, I never will." He takes a steadying breath. "I really love you. Like, I know you can't feel the same, because of the whole Christine thing and all, but… While we're being transparent with our emotions, I figured you should know." 

Jeremy smiles widely, his remaining tears slipping out of his eyes. "Well, Michael, that's where you're wrong. I definitely DO like you, too." 

"Wait, really? What about Christine? Didn't you love her?" Michael asks, confused. 

Jeremy shakes his head. "When she turned me down, after the SQUIP-cident, I honestly… Wasn't disappointed. I just had to ask, for closure. I had already set my eye on you, but everyone wanted me to ask her. Heck, even YOU did." 

"Look, I hadn't let my feelings get in your way for YEARS, I wasn't gonna let them get in the way now." Michael says defensively. 

They both laugh, and Jeremy looks to Michael's lips, and up to his eyes, and back and forth. Michael catches what Jeremy's hinting at and leans forward, catching his lips in a gentle kiss. It feels like a healing balm for both of them, soothing the pain and feeling like home. 

They pull away, and give each other a smile. Michael grins. "So… Would you maybe want to go out with me? Like, officially?" 

Jeremy smiles coyly. "I'm not sure, maybe we should try that again so I can make sure." 

Michael laughs and pulls him in for another kiss. 

After the kiss, Jeremy hums. "Hmm, yeah, okay. I think I'll go out with you, officially." 

Michael smiles wider than he has in a while, and Jeremy feels relieved at the sight. _There's the Michael he loves. It will all be okay._

**Author's Note:**

> Don't be afraid to leave constructive criticism! This is really my first time writing in third person and present tense, so if anything's wonky please let me know! Thank you for reading!


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